Pondering....

I get a lot of people telling me to just walk away..
even if knowing that its gonna be hard for me.
yet I'm not budging from where I am..
Nor am i going away.

They say words are not true.
that your saying it halfheartedly...
they say u should love for who i already am...
but not change me for who i totally wont be...
But I know deep down in my heart its true...
But i don't mind it...
I know i need the change anyways...
I also know...
That you mean every word you say/said...

Your thinking I'm lying to you about me
Slacking with my friends...
Well I'm not...
A girlfriend of mine, who some hows knows my manger n his brothers..
So they slack at our place...
Then "drinks" came out...
Which I did not expect to turn till she got very high..
I had to wait for her since we were sharing cab...
oks..there the whole thing that happened tonight...
P.S: i did not join them at all..if u were wandering...
I didn't want u to worry much thats y...
cant u ever see that i just did not want u to
worry so much about me...

cause knowing that u like to ponder so much...
all.........
idk what else to say....

Accepting...

I'm beginning to accept it all...

Denying...

I'm in denial...
I can't make myself to even delete our pictures..
I can't even look at them...
Cause all I see are the memories we had..
I sleep and I see it reoccurring again...
The good times we had..even if it was 2 weeks...

Yes I made mistakes then..
i also realized them..then I slowly took it in
consideration to change...to make you happy..
ye still keeping true to who I am...

I might have changed more then I realized..
but I am still who i was when you 1st got to know me

there's nothing wrong at all having to want more..
but you can't expect it to come in a short period...
maybe now...we just need the space between us...
and let time take its toll...to realize what we really need..

I don't know what else to say or think..
but im in denial..
that i know...
Cause I wake up in the morning not wanting to remember
that I've already lost the guy I love dearly to my heart...
Even if crying my heart out won't bring him back...

i may not be the pish posh or uptown type of girl..
i'm just a girl next door...
saying you love her for who she is should matter the most...
slowly mold her to some1 u see as perfect..
but not by changing her fully to whom she's not...
i noe its what u said in ur blog....
and i agree with u..but u never changed me so tat i could fit in..
i tired to do that...without me realizing..

but just know that my love for u continues...
even if u want us to be friends...

good night then..