ANRGY!!!! FRUSTRATED!!!!

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO OR SAY FOR YOU UNDERSTAND ME.....

IF ALL I SAY MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ABOUT THAT....
MIGHT AS WELL I DON'T SAY A THING AT ALL.....

IF MY ACTIONS ARE EITHER NOT YOUR TYPE OF "PERFECT GIRLFRIEND" SHOULD BE...
THEN I'M SORRY...
I'M NOT!!!!

I'M RUNNING LIKE MAD HERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THINGS...
THEN YOU'LL THINK I'M NOT CONSIDERING YOUR FEELINGS...
ALWAYS HAVE...AND ALWAYS HAD!!!!!!
WHY IS IT I DON'T DO MUCH THINGS THAT I KNOW WILL HURT YOUR FEELINGS...
YET THE SMALL THINGS I DO OR SAY SEEMS TO..OH WAIT...IS HURTING YOU...
I DON'T GET IT AT ALL.....
AM I THAT BAD AS A GIRLFRIEND????
AM I THAT DEMANDING???
AM I THAT USELESS, PATHETIC, UNGRATEFUL, STUPID GIRLFRIEND..???
WHO CAN'T EVENT MAKE HER BOYFRIEND HAPPY....?????

BUT IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT TO BLAME IF YOU THINK TOO MUCH OF THINGS....
GO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT FROM ME...
AND I'M NOT REFERRING TO LOVE,HONESTY,TRUST AND COMMUNICATION...
CAUSE I'VE BEEN GIVING THEM TO YOU...AND IS STILL TRYING TO....

BUT IT SEEMS ALL MY ACTIONS FOR YOU HAVE COME TO WASTE....
HERE'S SOMETHING THAT WILL HELP YOU....
DON'T HAVE TO THINK OF WHAT YOU DID WRONG TO ME....
CAUSE THE ONLY FAULT YOU DID WAS NOT TRUST ME....

YES I'M STILL AT IT...CAUSE I'M NOT SATISFIED....
BECAUSE YOU GOT ME AT A LOST....
SAYING YOU TRUST ME YET YOU ACTUALLY DOUBTED ME....
SAYING YOU REASSURED ME DOES NOT PUT THINGS BACK IN PLACE FOR ME...

YOU SAY HOW SELFISH I AM ALL YOU WANT..
BUT FOR TRUST TO HIT ME MORE THEN ONCE IS PAINFUL ENOUGH...
I STAND BY THAT WORD...
LIKE I SAID..
LOVE, YOU CAN LOVE ANYONE
HONEST,JUST BE HONEST
COMMUNICATE, THERE ARE A MILLION WAYS TO DO THAT...
BUT TO TRUST SOMEONE..
IS NOT EASY...
ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR HEART..

I KNOW YOU'LL THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE
WHATEVER I SAID TO YOU FOR THE PAST 2-3 DAYS
SEEMS AS THOUGH I DOUBTED YOU LOVE...
I NEVER!!!! NOT EVEN THE INTENTION OF IT...
BUT I'M BEGINNING TO WANDER
SINCE YESTERDAY NIGHT..WHEN I SAID I LOVE YOU..
AND YOU NEVER REPLIED...
YOU REASON WAS...
" I WON'T SAY IT UNLESS I MEAN IT.."
SO YOU RATHER LEAVE ME HANGING...
RATHER THEN TO SAY SOMETHING... AND THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE "I KNOW"

YOU ASK TO THINK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS...
WELL I'VE ALWAYS HAVE ...
NOW I'M GONNA BE SELFISH AND TELL U THIS
GO FIGURE WHAT YOU REALLY WANT FROM ME....
I GIVE WHAT WAS ASKED...AND I TRY TO GIVE MORE..
FROM WHATEVER STRENGTH LEFT THAT'S IN ME...
I AM SERIOUSLY AT WITS END HERE WITH YOU.....

NUMB!!!!

I do my best as to love you, care for you...
I do my best to do as you say..
I do my best to make you be happy for me..

But I guess all I really do is hurt you..
Make you wander about us..
I guess what I say of myself is true..
That I'm useless, an unworthy of your attention.

You want to talk things out..so we do..
Then you say I'm just rambling on and on...
Which made no sense at all...and what ever stuff...

All I did was let you know my thoughts, feelings...
All I have been doing is put you ahead of everything in my life...

WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME DO!!!!!
I'M TIRED....OF HAVING TO RUN AROUND AND PLEASE YOU....
I'M IN A MESS.....MY HEAD IS SPINNING LIKE CRAZY...
THINKING OF WAYS TO PLEASE YOU...
THINKING OF WORDS THAT WON'T HURT YOU....
BUT IT SEEMS USELESS!!!!!!
ALL MY EFFORTS SEEMS TO BE JUST DRAINING ME....
I'M LOST SYAHMI!!!! I'M LOSING MY MIND TRYING EVERYTHING I HAVE THATS LEFT OF ME!!!!
I'M RUNNING OUT OF MY OWN PATIENCE......
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uneasy...Regretful..Weridness

I regret my actions...
Cause it has made me feel the weridness around us...
I know that we have to be patient with the changes now...

But I feel as though I have lost a part of you...
It feels like I lost your sweet words and your happiness when your with me...
I might be just thinking too much..
or it might be jsut my guilt getting to me..

I wish...I hope...I prey...that we would never have this type of fight again..
I can't bare to stand to lose you...even if its just part of you..
cause it's like losing everthing of you...

I guses my love for has became much stronger then I realised...
I'm not saying it as sweet words...
Im saying it as it comes from my heart...

As i listen to this song...
(B8-Bidadari Hatiku)
lirikan mata mu menawan , mempesonakan , kau ku girakan ..
senyuman manis mu bagaikan
bunga di taman , indah menyerikan .
tiada kata yang dpt ku luahkan.
seindah mu . oh jelita ku .
hanya dpt ku membayangkan , kejelitaan mu di lubuk hatiku

bagaimana .. jikalau semua ini tidak lagi bersama dgn ku..
ku berdoa .. agar dikau mengerti yang ku setia terhadap mu .
sayang dengar kan lah .. dikau lah bidadari hatiku .
dan tapi kan ku renangi ....
hanya untukku memilikimu ...

sayang , dengar kan lah ..
dikau lah bidadari hatiku ..
dan tapi kan ku renangi ...
hanya untuk ku memiliki mu (2x) ..

HURT!!!

To actually read that you doubt me was painful.
To actually know that you don;t have a trust in me was painful..
Then I wander when you say all those times that you trust...
Was it all a fake? Was it all a mask so that I would give you the same amount of trust you gave me...

But hearing you tone of voice on the phone...
Being doubtful for my reasons to meet my friend was so hurting..
But i had a reason...
You don't know him..And even if you did...you would get all jealous..

I didn't want you feel as such..
So I made it simple...
If simple is not wanted...
Then I have no clue what else is there to be done..

I'm at wits end...I'm losing my strength in this relationship..
Yet is has only began...But my strength has been out stretch over its limits...
Till I'm just running on spare batteries..

Not once have i doubted you...
With the amount of temptations around you..
Which guy would not be tempted..
Which guy would not want to "have fun" with the ang mos around there...
"oh who knows he might be f**King some girl there while you wait for him here"..
The comments I get almost everyday by others...
who doubted you..& our relationship...
But I stood my ground and told them that you were not the type who wold do so...
Cause we "TRUSTED" each other...They believed me..
I believed you..cause I trusted you...

But since you said those painful words to me...
I would have never ever thought that someone you loved dearly would say those things to me..
And the worst part is..its he !st time I'm hearing it...
Can I forgive you...I don't know...
Can I ever forget it... don't think so...

All I did was to keep your heart happy...
All I did was to make you happy..
All I did was to be your perfect girlfriend..
All I wanted was a boyfriend who understands me..And
allow me to have my own time with my guy friends without him to worry or have doubts..

Well I guess not then...No guy has been able to for fill this small request of mine...

good bye n good nite