my promise..

To my dear love..
This is my promise to u..
As evidence..

I promise to continue my school.
To do my diploma.. not cutting of classes and doing well for my exams..
To do my degree.. something that i like and prefer doing..
That has my interest at heart..

Here's my promise to u..
Even if u are going to be away for a long time..
I'll wait for u..

I love u..

so fast..

It's been months since my last post.. wow..
Been too busy with my daily life that I keep forgetting to update..

Well lets just cut the story short..
As months few by we celebrated our love.. each month with
monthsaries...from a romantic dinner at Holland v.
To our favorite day at the beach.
hahaha...

5 months just few by past us so fast that
by the end of the week he's leaving again..
But at least this time is for the last time..

I know that his coming home soon again..
But i got so use to him being around me, being by my side
And his kisses...

I'm going to miss him.. ALOT!!!
I have to be strong.. i have to be...

Well even with this sad ending there is a happy one..
ME FINISHING SCHOOL!!!! like in a few days time..hahaha

Well Saturday here i come...

New year..New love...

happy new year friends..
its a new year..its a new beginning..
Well what i meant by new love is..
I have found my love...
The one that I have been truly in love with
For the past 6 months..
I know it may been too early to say..
But deep down in my heart I feel it..

Well even if so..
note to self:
"LIYANA GET A GRIP OF UR SELF!!!!"
...getting too mushy...
he no like...

heheheh

Well all i got to say is school starts tomorrow..
got to endure it for the nxt 3mnths..

still in my changing mood for hi,..
i think i kinda lost track at where i am now..
"GET UR HEAD STRAIGHT IN BABE"...

too long...

Its been far too long since I last updated..
Well its almost the end of the year now...
hahaah
The last I updated was when my loving dear came home...
Now since his back, I've been spending most of my time with him..
At the same time making time for both my friends and work..
Well although I can work as much but its ok..
I rather be spending most of my time with him..hehehe..

Been going on our random and regular dates..
Making me love him more then I already am...
Well after all that we have gone through
Having him back is the best thing...
I just wish time could go by more slowly...
He just got back and soon he'll be going off again..
Well just make the best of what time I have left..

School's been kinda sucky for me..
Well that's normal..
But kinda getting sick of it..
Having people going against what they promised
Or what they wanted as a change..very contradicting...
(You know I know)
Well I know that I want school to go by faster...
I just really wanna get out of this school.
I can only relay on a few people to talk to...

Well what do I care..
All I know is that I'm spending my holidays with him..
My term break, Xmas and New Years...

HOME SWEET HOME!!!

My darling sweet love is home again, back in my arms. YEAH!!!
I had a good time with him, the past two days.
Ok,means I need to adjust my body clock again. Hahahaha...

Well, mum and dad knows what that will mean.
Here goes my late nights with him. hahaha..
I love going out to eat supper with him. Since we both love our food.
Well, that's the happy side of my post.

The sad side is that, this will be my last two nights before I
shift house. And move into my cousins house. BORING!!!
There goes the lack of my freedom.
He does not like a lot of things I do or wear. SO that sucks!!
Like big time!!!!

Well Whatever it is, daddy has the biggest say to me.
So I'll only listen to daddy or mum. If not,fuck it..
Seriously...hahaha

Not needed....

Comments on the pictures are ok.
But to say it out loud in class is not needed.
But worst of all you could have private the pictures.
You know there is such a thing such as someone's morals.

Its personal in a way.
Would you like it if someone does the same thing to you.
Try beeing in my postion, you wont like it at all.
I know they are pictures and you want to upload them
but not all were meant to be up.

I'm just voicing out my thoughts.

Party night..

Had a party last night with my friends. But I was gone 1st,
cause I never eat dinner. Stupid me. hahaha...
But I thank my friends who help me out. I really owe you guys for that.
Thanks again. You guys are the boom!!! hahaha...

I can't remember much,
but I recall the dj asking me if I want to spin with them.
It's like super cool and hot. A female dj...hahah..I'll think about it.

After all that,I'm officially broke!!!!
But I got to say I'm a good drunkard,
cause all I did was sleep after all the puking.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

Party night..

Cming home!!

My dear will coming home soon, and I can't wait..
I know we had our misunderstanding but all has been forgiven and
we are moving ahead. With a fresh new start.
Everything will be a new experience for us both.

I can't wait for your return even if I have to squeeze time for everything.
Can't wait for your hugs and kisses. YEAH!!!!

Lonely....

That is how I feel. Lonely.. You don't want to seem to talk to me.
I can't force it out from you. So I can't do much. But just stand here and wander,
cry myself to sleep thinking about you every night, wandering..pondering...

Lonely.. That's all I have to feel now. I text you pages long, I get 2-3 sentences of reply. That's all...

Sleepless night....

I can't sleep...
And I don't know why...
Too much thoughts in mind..???

I wander at times...
Am I doing the best I can do....
Or are my efforts still insufficient...??
Am I doing too little...
Am I scarifying enough...
Or am I scarifying at all???

Have I done enough...??
Or should I do more???
Have I done what have said I'll do...
Are they good enough??
Have I been changing my ways??
Or am I still the same...
Or at least have I changed some ways of mine...

All day along...
Everyday....
Questions after questions are in my head...
Asking me...
Trying to find the answers...
I'm left wandering at my own actions and thoughts at times...

Nothing here makes sense at all...
All is just wandering in my head..
I just needed to get it out..
Don't have to think much...
Its all me....
Has always been...

Choose....

To chose to throw away an old friend or to keep...
That's an unfair choice someone must make....
But it's a choice I have too make..

I'm sorry my friend..
But I have to do so...
Or see my love one being disappointed with me...

It may be contradicting to you my dear..
But its just something I feel very heavy to do...
Would you do such a thing if I'm in your shoes..??
You wont know cause it never happen to you...

Well...I may sleep with a heavy heart..
But I'm truly sorry to have to do so...
It's the best for all I guess...
May you find your own happiness....

Holidays...

Its been 3weeks 5days...
Since my holidays have started...
Well it feels like forever...
hahaha..well not really..just exaggerating

Wells lots of things have happened..
Don't wanna say...

But it has in a way made me realize how
precious things or people are...
Especially those around us..
When they leave then you realize
How much they mean to you...

So here's my advise...
Treasure them..love them with all
that you can love..
Once they leave then you'll start regretting..

Well other then that..,
Work has been most of my life..
Other then my late nights on the computer or
On the phone talking to my dear...
So that's me from mon - fri..
Off days spend it either
Resting at home or..
Playing with the Naufal..
haha...

Well 3 weeks more till my dear
Is home..hahah..
And 1 week 5 days till school reopens...
Cant wait to study..hahah...
Serious....Boring you know
Never study the last term..
With no exams and stuff..only projects...
WALAU!!! hahahaha

Well then enjoy the rest of the holis...haahha

Forgiveness..

It hari raya...
Its the forgiving month as i say it..
the time where u forgive n forget...

Well that's how I see it...
I'm getting older..
so no need to talk much about the money part..

But i rather be visiting my own family,
then those I don't really know...
Well whatever it is..
i just follow....hahaha..

Okz..maybe next year I wont do so..
I'll work..But take the late shift..
I'll just go jalan with friends..haha

Well all has been forgiven n forgotten...
Those who have made mistakes with me..
i have forgiven n forgotten it..
And if I have made mistakes with u..
Hope you will forgive and forget it as well...

Pondering....

I get a lot of people telling me to just walk away..
even if knowing that its gonna be hard for me.
yet I'm not budging from where I am..
Nor am i going away.

They say words are not true.
that your saying it halfheartedly...
they say u should love for who i already am...
but not change me for who i totally wont be...
But I know deep down in my heart its true...
But i don't mind it...
I know i need the change anyways...
I also know...
That you mean every word you say/said...

Your thinking I'm lying to you about me
Slacking with my friends...
Well I'm not...
A girlfriend of mine, who some hows knows my manger n his brothers..
So they slack at our place...
Then "drinks" came out...
Which I did not expect to turn till she got very high..
I had to wait for her since we were sharing cab...
oks..there the whole thing that happened tonight...
P.S: i did not join them at all..if u were wandering...
I didn't want u to worry much thats y...
cant u ever see that i just did not want u to
worry so much about me...

cause knowing that u like to ponder so much...
all.........
idk what else to say....

Accepting...

I'm beginning to accept it all...

Denying...

I'm in denial...
I can't make myself to even delete our pictures..
I can't even look at them...
Cause all I see are the memories we had..
I sleep and I see it reoccurring again...
The good times we had..even if it was 2 weeks...

Yes I made mistakes then..
i also realized them..then I slowly took it in
consideration to change...to make you happy..
ye still keeping true to who I am...

I might have changed more then I realized..
but I am still who i was when you 1st got to know me

there's nothing wrong at all having to want more..
but you can't expect it to come in a short period...
maybe now...we just need the space between us...
and let time take its toll...to realize what we really need..

I don't know what else to say or think..
but im in denial..
that i know...
Cause I wake up in the morning not wanting to remember
that I've already lost the guy I love dearly to my heart...
Even if crying my heart out won't bring him back...

i may not be the pish posh or uptown type of girl..
i'm just a girl next door...
saying you love her for who she is should matter the most...
slowly mold her to some1 u see as perfect..
but not by changing her fully to whom she's not...
i noe its what u said in ur blog....
and i agree with u..but u never changed me so tat i could fit in..
i tired to do that...without me realizing..

but just know that my love for u continues...
even if u want us to be friends...

good night then..

Momories...

I'm I to forget the memories we had together...
The word s you said to me..
Those very sweet words,which I look back upon..
wandering if there were ever true to your heart...
I know there were...But now???Are the still..???

The Letter...
Dearest Liyana,
I know this is like the biggest difference in
communicating with you but I just felt I would like to to do it.
Anyway, like the fish soup & the chrysanthemum tea I bought for you?

I just want you to know babe that with everything
we share together, I really treasure every single moment of it.
You are alway on my mind and I'm always thinking about
you wherever I am or whatever I'm doing.
THIS RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HAVE IS TOUGH ONE BUT
ITS'S DEFINITELY NOT IMPOSSIBLE AND I'VE NEVER BELIEVE
THAT WE COULD NOT GO THRU IT TOGETHER.

AND WITH EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS BOUND TO HAVE ITS SETBACKS,
MOMENTS WHERE THE UNDERSTANDING PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP
COMES TO PLAY.
During this certain time, I really HOPE WE CAN BE THERE AS EACH
OTHER'S SUPPORT AND WORK IT OUT TOGETHER AS A COUPLE.
I once said in my blog that honesty, trust and understanding
are really important to the success of the relationship.

Adding to that will be communication and finally listening.
I know you can never be that perfect one for me and neither can I babe.
WHAT REALLY MATTER AT THE END OF THE DAY IS OUR LOVE FOR
EACH OTHER AND WHAT WE SHARE. WE BOTH CAN OVERLOOK CERTAIN
TRAITS OR CHARACTERS OF OURSELVES SO I BELIEVE AS LONG AS
WE BOTH KNOW THAT WE HAVE TRIED OUR BEST, THEN I REALLY
THINK IT'S SUFFICIENT FOR US.

With that, I would like to say I'm fully confident of our relationship.
THE DAY I LEFT YOU AT THE AIRPORT,
I KNEW THAT I WOULD DEFINITELY MISS YOU.
BUT DEEP INSIDE,I KNEW THAT ALTHOUGH WE ARE THOUSANDS OF
KILOMETERS APART, THE LOVE THAT WE SHARE HAS NO BOUNDARIES.
DISTANCE IS JUST ONE OF THE THINGS BUT IT CAN NEVER PREVENT
MY LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU SYG. BABY,
I SAID YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND YOU REALLY ARE.
YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME THAT SOMETIMES
I'M AT LOST IN THOUGHTS ABOUT IT.
________________________________________________

This is the very letter you wrote to me...
I retyped every word from it..
Those in caps are the very word I keep in heart.Knowing at
that time how strong our love was.. now all i see are words..
with no meaning to it...
you are willing to forget all that was said all those
sweet n caring words of yours and jst walk away from it all...
after all that we've been through...

Im trying to stand on all tat we had..and try to persuade
you to carry on what was already stared and was blooming...
I know how crushed you are by all these...
and no matter how crushed I am i still trying to stand
on what's ever that left of this love we once had...
your my last hope in love...
and some how i don' see light at the end of the tunnel no more...

Confession.....

I know what I said last night was totally not called for..
Didn't mean to call you an asshole.. But your actions was really made you look like one..

You say you love as so...You love that much..or very much..Why do the decision of breaking..When things can be worked out.
For you your decision might have ended the problems you saw..But not the pain that it will carry for a long time..I don't know if you actual realize that.

You wanted more from me...you could have just told me..What you wanted...I could see if I do the changes for you..And yes it will take time...patience has been there, You say your patience..Then why suddenly stop...

You wanted you ideal girlfriend to give you her full attention..I changed my habits of doing things while talking to you..I give you my full attention..You wanted me to listen to you..I did...You wanted my full honesty..I gave...
I tell you day in & day out where I am..What I'm doing...Whom I'm with...
I do whatever you wanted me to do...Still you want more...OKs...

You want me talk to you till late night..I can...But there will be days where I'll be dead tired..all cause from work..I give you more hours of my day then I do 4 myself,my friends and family.. Still those actions don't count for you...

Yes there are days where we go silent, cause there's nothing happening around..there's nothing much to talk about..Then when we are on9..there's nothing much to talk cause i rather be talking to out on the phone n hear you voice..you don't realize is that when your doing or viewing something..I would be just staring at you..looking at what your doing..And I'll be just smiling at myself..

Yes we have many similarities..Yet we have our differences..Which I you for..I didn't fall in love with you for what try to be or what you lack off or what your not..
But for who you are true from the heart..Honest,sensible,caring,loving..Yes other guys have these qualities too but what they don't have is unconditional love you gave me...your actions to me,may be louder then my words could speak but its not the actions that i count the most its your words and how you tell me how much you love me...with your warm sweet tone.. assuring me of you undying love..which I guess has ended..or dyed...your loving actions are just extras I got which i love...
I know that how you are..to you actions speaks louder then words..bu for me...words means a million things..

I don't know if this would make much difference to the situation that we are in now..
But just know that my love for you will never end...

Sleepless...

U might be asleep by now..But i can't not after all that was said & done...
Mind is confusing me...might have been the long island i had just now...
but been like this the whole night...

Well my loving actions and efforts have now gone down the drain...
All have been a waste...yes a waste..y..cause of u wanting more then wat u already have...
or in Ur words getting the minimum...

are u even grateful with wat u already have...or wat was given to u...i noe its only human to want more...bt make do with wat u have as my dad say...
u want more wat more u want from me??..more love..given to u..more time from me.. squeezing as much as i can from what i hve..

can say much..all have been said to u..all that u needed to noe have been given to u for the past 2-3 months...all that's need to be said also...

all u need to noe is i love u no matter wat...tats hw deep my love for u is..